Pause for Sanity

Pause for Sanity

Anyone else ever get the back to school blues?  Having kids means you get a schedule…not your schedule but THEIR schedule which means finding time for yourself is very difficult.  I have had to really learn myself all over again, even after 6 years of recovery I feel I have needed to grasp onto new things in recovery that would help me when I am dealing with my kids going back to school.  It really doesn’t seem like much for some people because they figure it is great because you get the whole day to yourself but that isn’t how it works.  You spend most of the time at work (I’m a nurse so it is crazy hours) and the rest trying to plan meals, get your child to said next event, wash the clothes, make sure this child does their homework, make sure your other child practices whatever instrument they are “trying” to play this upcoming year, and trying to make sure I don’t lose my sanity.  It is a daily constant reminder that I am always behind taking care of myself.

My sponsor started to see a decline in my coming to meetings, calls to her phone, and texts asking for advice.  I got a call from her one day (which is out of the ordinary because I always call her) and she asked when the last time I sat down and did an inventory of my day and was I emotionally taking care of myself…bahahaha uh, 4 years ago?  It was there that she slapped me in the face with the “you are no good for anyone if you don’t take care of yourself first”…she was right but I felt like I was on autopilot and could not get off the train, if I got off I was afraid it would crash.

Long story short…I was going to be doing more recovery work in the next coming months which stressed me out even more while staring at my calendar thinking…how do I fit 10 min to myself?  Throwing my phone on the bed and then my body I woke up an hour later…realizing I hadn’t packed lunches yet, I still had laundry to do and my bedroom was a disaster.  I pulled myself up started doing all the “things” and one thing after another they all got done. I had a clear picture that evening that you have to make time, my body finally made time for me to catch up on sleep I was so crazy tired that my body just shut down.  I realized if my body will shut itself down because it needs rest I can carve out time for myself to grow in my recovery.  Slowly I started calling my sponsor again, started going to meetings, made coffee dates with those I knew in recovery, and boom I started to feel whole again.  I was feeling more off balance when my recovery was pushed to the side and I was doing everything for everyone else.  I stopped, I dropped and I rolled…I did a simple pause to change the direction I was headed. I am so grateful for this program and all it has offered, I now get to do online meetings when I can’t get to my regular home group, I have friends to call in recovery when I need it, and most of all a sponsor that will cold call me when I’m headed down a path that is a dead end.  If you can’t make time for your recovery… pause and call someone, ask how you can get back to your recovery balance to stay mentally fit for life!

Written By: butterfly1

Back to School

Back to School

It’s that time of year again where our kids go back to school and as parents we breathe a sigh of relief.  As a stay at home mom there is something so amazing about kids going back to school!! I kept my children fed, took them places, saw fun things, played 5 million board games and tried my best to keep them away from the “crack cocaine” A.K.A. electronic devices.  I get so excited for my kids to go back to school because I’m pretty much toast by September when it comes to being the entertainer and the one man show.

This year after dropping my kiddos off to school I got home poured my cup of coffee and sat in my living room. I took a deep breath and thought phew…got through this summer now I get to take some time for myself.  Although I felt odd and could not pin point what the heck was the ache in my heart/soul.  Was it change…was it empty home…was it too quiet…was it the tedium of life?? Or…was it I had not done self-care all summer and now I was finally feeling its heavy weight on my soul.

I am often wrapped up in what my kids are doing from day to day that I can’t even sit and think about myself or what I may need.  I had one amazing long cry all morning with my pot of coffee.  As a parent I realize when I took the plunge of having kids I knew I was going to be putting them first, I knew that I was going to have to learn to be selfless but in the mix I think I forgot that without taking care of myself I can’t take care of others.   Somehow I managed to float through this summer without any focus on what my soul may have needed but the first day I felt all that emotion and daily work on self that I had missed.

After a good couple hours of crying and trying to figure out why I was so emotionally drained I called my sponsor and a good friend I have in recovery.  We talked about self-care and the importance of taking care of “you”. As a mom I instinctively want to always being doing things for my children but I forgot balance.

As a second week starts of school I look ahead to balance for me and my children…balance for my soul and my schedule to make sure I am getting my needs met so I can be a better mother.  I hope all the parents out there are having a great start to this new school year…remember balance and take care of yourself so you can be available to your children physically and emotionally!


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