Children – Myrecovery

Anyone else ever get the back to school blues? Having kids means you get a schedule…not your schedule but THEIR schedule which means finding time for yourself is very difficult. I have had to really learn myself all over again, even after 6 years of recovery I feel I have needed to grasp onto new things in recovery that would help me when I am dealing with my kids going back to school. It really doesn’t seem like much for some people because they figure it is great because you get the whole day to yourself but that isn’t how it works. You spend most of the time at work (I’m a nurse so it is crazy hours) and the rest trying to plan meals, get your child to said next event, wash the clothes, make sure this child does their homework, make sure your other child practices whatever instrument they are “trying” to play this upcoming year, and trying to make sure I don’t lose my sanity. It is a daily constant reminder that I am always behind taking care of myself.

My sponsor started to see a decline in my coming to meetings, calls to her phone, and texts asking for advice. I got a call from her one day (which is out of the ordinary because I always call her) and she asked when the last time I sat down and did an inventory of my day and was I emotionally taking care of myself…bahahaha uh, 4 years ago? It was there that she slapped me in the face with the “you are no good for anyone if you don’t take care of yourself first”…she was right but I felt like I was on autopilot and could not get off the train, if I got off I was afraid it would crash.

Long story short…I was going to be doing more recovery work in the next coming months which stressed me out even more while staring at my calendar thinking…how do I fit 10 min to myself? Throwing my phone on the bed and then my body I woke up an hour later…realizing I hadn’t packed lunches yet, I still had laundry to do and my bedroom was a disaster. I pulled myself up started doing all the “things” and one thing after another they all got done. I had a clear picture that evening that you have to make time, my body finally made time for me to catch up on sleep I was so crazy tired that my body just shut down. I realized if my body will shut itself down because it needs rest I can carve out time for myself to grow in my recovery. Slowly I started calling my sponsor again, started going to meetings, made coffee dates with those I knew in recovery, and boom I started to feel whole again. I was feeling more off balance when my recovery was pushed to the side and I was doing everything for everyone else. I stopped, I dropped and I rolled…I did a simple pause to change the direction I was headed. I am so grateful for this program and all it has offered, I now get to do online meetings when I can’t get to my regular home group, I have friends to call in recovery when I need it, and most of all a sponsor that will cold call me when I’m headed down a path that is a dead end. If you can’t make time for your recovery… pause and call someone, ask how you can get back to your recovery balance to stay mentally fit for life!

Written By: butterfly1

I remember…my first love, it was a late night of fun with friends and we had just got to a party. I felt light, at peace, a relaxation I had never felt before and a tingle that went from the tip of my toes to the top of my head…it was the first time I drank liquor. The high I got from the liquor made me think…wow, I could do this forever. My 12 year old mind could not even begin to fathom what a life filled with this new found love would do…it was going to build mountains that I would have to climb up, oceans so deep I would feel like I was drowning, I would want to hide but would have no place to go and eventually bring me to my knees out of desperation. At 12 I only wanted to stay with the cool crowd, experience what others were doing and once I started, I felt as if I could not stop.

At the ripe age of 12 I was sneaking out at night to hang out with friends whose parents didn’t give a crap what they did because well, they were cool with other kids so why not give them liquor and cigarettes? I was only 12…now, I have children of my own and I look at them and think please do not go down my same path! As a child I thought the feeling I got from liquor was true love, it helped me do things I wouldn’t normally do and I felt invincible.

Looking back, I see I was in love with the feeling liquor gave me. Liquor was my first love but with any first love there is a breakup. The breakup was so painful and as I came out of the fog of drying out…I saw the destruction that first love did. When I was drinking I did not see the friends that didn’t call anymore, the sports teams that I didn’t try out for, bad grades, broken trust between siblings and parents. My first love slowly destroyed my childhood, at first, I did it because of the “fun” I was having and then then I did it to numb the pain from the things that were happening when I drank. The cycle of alcoholism became so crazy at my young age my parents moved me. I guess they never read that the geographical change never works, nothing changes if nothing changes…I wasn’t changed only the area in which I lived did. I did dry out enough for high school because I found my second love which was a sport. I stayed clean just so I could play a sport I loved so much. I would stay clean all the way up until I got to college earning a scholarship to play sports. As college went on my past, my first love crept back into my life and I thought I could handle it. This would lead to many more issues throughout college and eventually end college sports for me. That first love came back and I buckled…went hook, line and sinker into the hole again. So many more things would happen until I would finally fight my way back to this life. I don’t wish to change my path or shut the door on it but to show that even someone fighting from age 12 to 28 to make it back can do it.

I eventually found my way into the rooms of AA and found what I call “my people” and by that I mean those who understand how I tick and what makes me want to drink. I have a sponsor, meetings and a recovery program that I will work daily for the rest of my life. I still have bad days but I always know what I can do now to fight those days and keep them at bay. My first love almost killed me but I found another love that was more powerful, meaningful, loving and worth living for… a God who loves and cares for me, my husband, children and family. My brain may always want that “first love” but my heart will always want the new things I found in life to love!

Written by MyRecovery Blogger: @Peace

Tag: Children

My First Love