- This topic has 4 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 7 months ago by Jodi L.
April 28, 2014 at 1:01 am #16199Cristi FranksParticipant
Hi I wanted to introduce myself. I’m Cristi. I’m looking for some support in my recovery and hope to encourage other people on my journey.April 28, 2014 at 8:25 am #16200Heidi QuistKeymaster
Glad to see you on here! Excited to hear your experience, strength and hope in recovery. Join us in the online meetings on Monday, Tuesdays and Thursdays at 8 PM CST!!! Grateful in recovery – HeidiApril 28, 2014 at 6:58 pm #16201Cristi FranksParticipant
Thank you Heidi. I feel overwhelmed and feel like I don’t know where to begin. I live in a small country town and there are not many meetings. I don’t have a sponsor. I started reading the 12 step book and I’ve been working on Step 1 and Step 2. I have been addicted to opiods for over 20 years and have tried many times on my own to quit. I never went out on the street looking for drugs. I suffer from Chronic pain so it was always very easy for me to get pain pills. I was a patient of the pain clinic here in our town which I’ve been a patient for years. I took myself out of the pain clinic and seeked for help for my addiction because I knew I was on a road to kill myself. Because I’m not someone that is out there on the street using, my husband has a hard time coming to terms with me being an addict. He blames doctors and my illness, not me. He’s very supportive of me which is good but he tries so hard to help me to not feel guilty over my addiction. A week ago, I started Methodone to help withdraw from opiods because I had became so severely physically and mentally ill. I was borderline suicidal. In 2005, I was put on Suboxone for pain management/opiod addiction. I did great while I was on it but was left on it until this past year. Even though it’s used for addiction, because it’s an opiod they are also using it for a pain medication for people like me who have long term use and a high tolerance to other medications. I was on it for so long that I couldn’t function without it so when I came off of it , I was right back to taking pain pills which led me to a very severe depression and state of hopelessness. I literally came to a place where I wanted to die rather than going on this way. I’m still having a lot of anxiety, depression and fears. I feel a lot better than I did one week ago and feel like I’m regaining some type of control over myself and emotions. Whatever it takes, I just don’t want to go backwards. This last time about killed me and I didn’t think I was going to find my way out of that darkness. I know there is a lot of Stigma about Methodone but in a very short period of time it’s allowed me to get some stability. I’m able to function , I don’t feel suicidal anymore and my family immediately noticed positive changes in me. I do have a counselor now and will be seeing her once a week and will be attending groups at the clinic. I really would like to get a sponsor and be able to get involved with some type of meetings.May 1, 2014 at 12:10 am #16202Heidi QuistKeymaster
Cristi – I have been where you are in the sense of taking pain meds for pain and getting hooked on them. I went to treatment and they detoxed me off of pain meds in three weeks. The reason I say the exact amount of time is because I had been taking them so long and so many a day that my detox wasn’t easy…but I did it. I was taking more than 50 pills A DAY and had been taking the meds for over 5 years straight. I was a walking dead person. When I walked into treatment they were shocked my liver hadn’t given up on me. I knew I had to get off everything in order to be happy, joyous and free. At first when they told me I would feel better I thought they were nuts…I had sweats, couldn’t stop moving, I had a feeling of bugs crawling under my skin, my joints hurt and it took every ounce of energy just to get out of bed…it was miserable and I thought I was going to die. Fast forward almost 5 years and here I am not one drug in my system and I’m happy and free. I still have friends who are on Methadone or Subutex/Suboxone and they aren’t happy, depressed and nothing has changed even tho they got ride of the actual drug. Two of my friends tried to get sober when I did and they are still standing in methadone lines and taking other drugs as well now because it pushed them into doing other things. I’m so glad that up front I decided I’m done and I want to be free. I did have duel diagnosis when I went into treatment but about a year after I was sober the depressing and everything subsided and I was fine…no more depression meds or anything. I had a really good counselor and sponsor to get me through the hard times. Three main things…Go to MEETINGS, Get a SPONSOR and be of SERVICE! Once I got out of my own head and started going to meetings, putting chairs up, greeting people and pouring coffee and got into the fellowship of AA I started to arrive to a place when I felt comfortable and free. I know it isn’t easy but I will tell you one thing…the pain I had to go through up front was worth every minute because now I am free. It took a while but I am free from obsession, pain, anxiety, depression…you name it and the weight has been lifted. It is true what the Big Book says in the promises…the promises will come true…if you work for them. I see my poor friends who are still struggling and it hurts my heart but I can’t do anything about that but try to set an example of strength and courage for them so they know there is a way and there is hope. Stay strong and keep writing it might help! I use to write all the time when I first got sober it helped me out a ton sorting through feelings and questions that I had about recovery.
Grateful – HeidiMay 1, 2014 at 9:19 pm #16203Jodi LParticipant
You have an amazing story to tell and I would like to congratulate you on taking the steps you need to in order to save yourself from a further life of addiction. Keep up your positive outlook and do the steps that the Big Book says and you will recover from this disease.
Managing chronic pain is a very difficult thing, it takes a tole physically and mentally that is for sure. Although life deals pretty rotten things to us sometimes, there is always a way out….it takes a lot of work, but I assure you that it is well worth it.
Thanks for your post. It’s always a reminder that I am not alone in my disease.