- This topic has 7 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 12 months ago by Kris G.
April 15, 2015 at 7:03 pm #16346Tony SchmittParticipant
The dates look pretty old on these….figured I take a cast anyway. Having a stress day and wanting to forget some recent events.April 15, 2015 at 7:17 pm #16347Heidi QuistKeymaster
I get it Tom…I have had some crazy stressed out days these last few weeks as well. I’m sitting in my kitchen right now trying to write a blog about recovery because I feel sometimes if I get things on paper I can do better or feel better or hope for the best…I made some calls last night to brighten my mood as I was sitting down so far in thoughts…I love the power of the “WE” in this program. I feel like no matter what situation arises I will always have someone to talk to! What things are you trying to forget lately? HApril 15, 2015 at 11:16 pm #16348Tony SchmittParticipant
Easter was a train wreck and it wasn’t suppose to be. I still hold onto some control issues and things usually go south when I try that route. I got caught up and didn’t handle things well. Kinda ruined it for my kids.April 16, 2015 at 2:13 am #16349Heidi QuistKeymaster
Easter…yeah Holidays are never fun! I struggle with those too…I would love to hear anyone else’s ideas on how to survive the holidays….I get very anxious, stressed out and feel like I can’t control my emotions the way I should. Last year my sponsor had me go to a meeting every day around the holiday’s just to get me through them. I also called people who I knew were willing to take some time away to talk to me during their holiday. Does anyone else have any good ideas to survive the holidays? – HApril 17, 2015 at 7:59 pm #16350Sol RKeymaster
Family can be tough for sure. I find my emotions can sometimes be very heightened when dealing with my family. I have found the more work I put into the program in working the steps the more my family seems to change. Interesting thing, they are not changing it is me.
I just heard this prayer yesterday..”Bless them, change me”. I thought it very simple but extremely powerful.April 18, 2015 at 4:59 pm #16351Tom GParticipant
Control issues…don’t know if that’s a ‘guy thing’ or an ‘addiction thing’. Both?
I am at my most miserable when people don’t do things the way I want them done. Or, if people around me aren’t acting the way I think they should be. I could have a potentially great evening out watching a movie be ruined if someone nearby looks at their phone during the movie or creates a ruckus unwrapping the food they ‘snuck’ into the theater…God forbid they didn’t follow the rules!!
Then I heard someone talk about acceptance at an AA meeting. Turns out, for me, that’s the answer to my control issues. The more I ‘studied’ acceptance the more sense it made and the easier life got during those times when control would have become an issue.
This is what I learned: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change”. I am an alcoholic. I can’t change that. When I accepted that I was powerless over alcohol and my life was unmanageable…the burden was lifted. I wasn’t supposed to be an alcoholic, I fought that and I was miserable. Accepting my alcoholism brought a sense of peace.
“Courage to change the things I can”. This was the key for me. In a control issue situation, I tried to change the other person to conform to be or act the way I thought they should be or act. Acceptance means I need to be the one who changes; not the other person. I can change me and the way I look at others…hell of a lot easier than changing other people. If somebody or some situation is really bothering me, I simply ask myself, “Does it matter? Does it really matter they’re not doing or being the way I think they should?” The answer is always, “No, it really doesn’t”.
“And the wisdom to know the difference”. In a control situation, I either accept things the way they are (I can’t change them anyway) or I change me. Things always work out…life is easier and better for me and those around me.
Two suggestions that have helped me with control issues: Get and read the entire Serenity Prayer (especially near the end,”…accepting the world the way it is, not the way I would have it”) and read “Acceptance Was The Answer” in the AA Big Book, starting on page 407. Page 417 really hit home.
Certainly would like to hear from others on this topic. Tony, hope that helps some…April 22, 2015 at 7:08 pm #16352Heidi QuistKeymaster
Tony – I had to laugh at this post because I too have found myself at various stages of my sobriety getting frustrated with the way people live their lives or act around me because I try so hard every day to be honest…a better person…put my best foot forward…helping others no matter what and here others with not a care in a world how they affect others around them. I think I was 3 years into sobriety when I realized I started doing this and looking at situations around me and letting them change my emotional status. My sponsor started working with me really hard on being okay with in the inevitable and letting go of situations that are out of my control. It was funny my sponsor made me do things I didn’t want to do and put me in uncomfortable situations that drove me nuts. Soon I became better at ignoring what was going on around and just worked on myself because really that was all that mattered. I feel so much better now I’m not carrying everyone else’s baggage around with me!! Loved this post thanks Tony! Love your topics…so true to what goes on in sobriety! – HApril 26, 2015 at 12:23 am #16353Kris GParticipant
Tom…Wow I have had the same issues time and time again. I have really had to learn to let it go. I would love to hear from others how they lets things go…I find it hard to let things go when I’m not working a solid program of recovery. A lot of my friends think it’s dumb I do AA and the 12 steps because the new thing is self care and spa’s….yeah…that happy cloud sails fast and I need someone else besides myself to keep me in check. Hope everyone is having a good day!