Isolation

[erica a]

Isolation for me is as simple as building the walls up around me to keep people out. At times it is like building a fortified bunker underground. You have to find it before you can even attempt to break through the walls to get in. Isolation is not always as obvious as you might think. Physically it is really obvious. I can sit at home or in my room and hide, any where really to be alone. Isolation is also mental and emotional. I can sit in a room of 100 people and isolate myself. Shut down, feel cut off, and look for all of the reasons that I cannot relate to the people around me. Emotional isolation is a true beast. This one is probably the most dangerous to me. When I emotionally isolate myself, I may not physically but cut off from the rest of the world, but I might as well be. I can talk and carry on a good conversion about nothing. Really though it is useless. I am not connecting with any one. I am not sharing or talking about anything really, even though I am creating the illusion that I am. The reason that this is so dangerous for me is because while creating this illusion for other people, I begin to believe it myself. I become delusional and blind to the fact that I really am not making any progress because I am being dishonest with myself and those around me. All of these things I have been doing fairly recently and am capable of doing at any time that I am not spiritually fit. Though it may seem like a really good idea at times, it is a death sentence for anyone like me.

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