I need help.

[Ron F]

Recovery is hard, and I need input.

I thought I was becoming the person that I’ve always wanted to be. I thought I was starting to be happy. I thought things were ok. But every couple days I have huge set backs from my insecurities and I fall on my ass. Hard. I can’t fully let go of the person I used to be. I can’t cut the ties in some areas, There are views in my head that have been branded and burned in my brain that I can’t figure out how to let go of. I am starting to get worn out from this back and forth battle going on between the angel and devil on my shoulder. Tug of war between the old me trying to hold me back from transforming into the new me. I am terrified I’m never going to be happy. I am scared shitless that the devil is going to win and withold me from greatness. I am so afraid. And I feel so extremely discouraged. I need someone to tell me what to do.

Thanks,
Alexis

[Tom G]

Alexis,

At about the six month period of being sober, I started dealing with bouts of depression. Unless I was fully engaged in a conversation or activity, I found I would sit and wonder when I would feel “normal”. Problem was, I didn’t know what “normal” was.

I had spent years being under the influence day in and day out. Drunk was “normal”. Suddenly, I was sober and didn’t know how to handle it! I didn’t want to go through all the effort to be sober and feel like shit.

I did notice that when I was at an AA meeting or doing service work, I felt normal and felt joy in my life. I took that one step farther and went back to reading the Big Book, especially the stories in the back.

I think I didn’t feel “normal” because I had stopped connecting with people who were just like me. I was trying to identify with a group of people (non-alcoholics and addicts) when, at this point in my recovery, I still need to connect with my AA brothers and sisters while learning to navigate among “normal” people.

The other thing I did that got me out of the funk was listening and learning. When I had been sober for 6 or so months, I thought I was well on the road to sobriety. Sobriety, for me, is being sober, happy and hopeful. I was sober, but not happy or hopeful. I’m happy helping others; with being sober and happy, I find it’s easier to have hope for my future.

I’ve listened to others and learned the feelings I and you are having are normal. Hang in there. Talk to and listen to others. Maybe you’ll find helping others will take your focus off of you, like it does for me.

Without happiness and hope, I’m a lonely and down guy. With happiness and a hopeful future, I’m living sobriety. I’m still learning how to do that, but I know that sobriety is reachable.

Sorry this was so long. I pray that you and all of us find sobriety!

[Ron F]

thank you for sharing that! I’m starting to dig into the big book, and reach out more, and add another meeting to my week. This has just been so hard, I feel so down all the time and hopeless every few days. I have really good days then out of nowhere I’ll be hit hard with a bad one. It’s frustrating especially when it’s for no reason at all. There’s always something to be happy about!

[Heidi Quist]

Tom –
This was an awesome post…thank you for sharing this…I was struggling today and needed to be checked back into reality and you did that for me! Thank you for your post and I truly hope it helps Alexis! Keep posting man!
Heidi

[Sol R]

Tom,

What a great post! I really enjoyed reading it and really hope you continue to share.

[Author]

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