Ambivalent… seeking advice

[Anonymous]

My son, who lives in another state wants to come and visit us, his Dad & me. He’s been attending an out patient program for 4 months now (clean from clonopin & heroin). BUT still in a Methadone Maintenance Program where he has earned some take home doses for having clean urines.

He says he can hitch a ride from the owner of the private home where he lives…and we can then pick him up 3 hours away and drive him home. This would cut his visit short.
Then the request changed, “Can’t you just fly me in?”

My wife and I are ambivalent. We feel he should just make his own plans for coming and we’ll pick him up and then drop him off so he can hitch back to his home.

We are also weary of his visit…Are we ready to deal with him?

Your comments will be greatly appreciated.

[Gabriel Wilson]

I don’t think you are ready. And one sign that things will return to normal is his comment…
“Can’t you just fly me in?” This is a huge issue regarding boundaries. Your boundaries and
consequences. I would have said to him, “That doesn’t work for us.” or Simply “Yes, we could,

BUT,

we aren’t going to.” The time has come for him to realize you aren’t an ATM or the enablers you have been.

Dynamics of the family have to change – or things will simply go back to the way they were.
Just as there are conditions at the home he is living – there must be conditions while he is visiting.

If you aren’t ready for the stress and drama – be honest. Tell him you are proud of how well he is doing, and while he might be ready to see you – you are not ready to see him.

Take care of yourself.

[Author]

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