Please, please reach out to others. Even if the first one or two do not work out, reach out to more. Discuss your feelings and your questions. I am sure your mind is spinning. So many support you as you struggle with this. Know that. Don’t let go of that. And keep reaching out. Isolation means loneliness and more trouble. Include more people in your feedback/friend loop, not less.
God bless, you have my prayers.