I beat myself up so much inside over my use, I was uncomfortable and hating myself for it in my own skin, a self sentence of dum for it and worthless. Only through connection do I stay reminded of that throughout time, so I seek my way out. If I am not connected to recovery and so importantly real people in my outside life too, each time I loose my ability to stay clean and sober, and my ability to be happy mentally. All this I’ve mentioned gives me dam good reason. Learning how? because of the above and my self sentencing, I dam well want to , no other way out, no other way to happiness or a new reason high on life.