Hey Tim. I’m Dave and an alcoholic. I hear your pain. I’m in a similar position. I stop and I start, stop/start. I go between immersing myself in AA, and then suddenly my brain tells me I need to drink and it just takes over. I hate it, and I’m hurting the ones I love, especially my wife. Back to AA today, connect with my sponsor and really try to get through the steps. You are not alone. Only other alcoholics can understand what we are experiencing. And those that have recovered should give us hope. God bless.