Tom, thank you so much for the supportive reply. I live in Missouri and just turned 39 years old. To be honest today is day one for me in sobriety. I have recently given sovriety two tries one of which lasted two weeks and one lasted 5 days. And there were other attempts as well prior to that but unsuccessful ones. Throughout the course of our marriage I always thought I might have a drinking issue, but my husband helped keep me accountable most of the time. I absolutely adored him and well, still do. Tuesday I will meet with a counselor for the first time where I am ready to make a change now. I would like any encouraging words anyone feels comfortable sharing. I attempted an online meeting last week, but was unsuccessful. By the time I got home and tried to connect I was too late. I had to update my computer with compatible camera and software and it took me too much time. However I do plan on making another one after I visit with a counselor Tuesday.
My husband was completely healthy until his doagnosis with a very rare form of cancer. It was so fast. From diagnosis to the end was less than 8 months. He was a wonderful gentleman. A Christian man with such character and integrity. The entire community adored him. We were married 19 years. We met in college and got married while still completing our degrees. I want to honor him by taking care of our kids and making something positive out of all this. As for the last several months I have not faced the grief and have resorted to drinking to hide from it. I am hoping by visiting with this counselor, this website and group, and possibly a grief support (butt they are hard to find with women of my similar age) that I can begin to live again and be healthy.