Good morning and Happy Easter to all,
I really like this forum. Being able to reach out and connect with people who are just like me and have shared many of the same experiences (near death experiences?) brings me back to the reality that, even though I feel alone most times, I’m not. I’m just a computer ‘on’ button away from being uplifted by what others share; saying they struggle or have feelings of not being ‘alright’ reminds me that I’m not the odd man out in this world.
I look at my hitting the “bottom” as really just the beginning of a rebirth into life (kind of appropriate given the approaching holiday!). I was on a mental and physical downward spiral…even though the exit door was right next to me the whole time. Maybe it was loneliness and lack of self-worth that kept me from realizing I was ‘savable’. Maybe my bottom was God saying, “Enough!” And sending his angels, my family, in to not only show me the exit door from my path to hell, but opening that door and welcoming me back into this world.
Stopping drinking was the easy part of recovery. The physical addiction and mental obsession were gone once I fully accepted and lived Steps 1,2 and 3 of AA. I’ve realized that Step 4-12 are all about taking the hole in my soul and filling it with something positive; something other than loneliness and lack of self-worth.
That’s my day-to-day struggle…filling the hole in my soul. Thanks to God, my family, and fellowship with my AA brothers and sisters I’m reminded that sobriety (being sober, happy and hopeful) is possible. It’s something I need to work on each day. Sobriety is a gift that requires maintenance…daily, hourly and minute-to-minute.
Being able to post here and read what others post is part of my maintenance program. Thank you for letting me post this…I’ll be pretty good the rest of today!