Walking Drunk: The Perils of Sobriety In The Zombie Apocalpyse

In honor of the fifth season premiere of The Walking Dead this Sunday, here are some tips on how to survive the zombie apocalypse, one day at a time.

walking-deadThe fifth season of the The Walking Dead begins again this Sunday, October 12th, on AMC. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the hugely popular dystopian horror series, it’s set in the state of Georgia or thereabouts during an outbreak of a disease that brings the dead back to life and turns them into Zombies (or ‘Walkers’ as The Walking Dead calls them). As you might expect this is not a good thing. Unfortunately getting to see Granny again isn’t going to be the heart-warming reunion you might have hoped for because, yes you guessed it! She will eat you!

This terrifying and addictive show is populated by hoards of flesh eating cannibals shuffling around the countryside looking for people to eat. The hero of the show is a .357 Magnum-toting, county sheriff named Rick, followed by his young son and a gradually dwindling band of ragtag survivors. Their aim—to try and stay alive long enough to make it into the next episode. Talk about one day at a time!

It’s scary stuff. Based on the graphic novel by Robert Kirkman andTony Moore, it’s got some spectacular squishy, head squashing special effects and the characters seem to exist on a level of stress that often leaves me speechless. But the detail that has helped the series endure are plot lines that deal with both interpersonal relations and the larger societal issues of grief and morality, euthanasia and family and, of course, the breakdown of law and order that might come with the end of the world.

For instance, when our heroes come across a well-defended farmhouse, they make an uneasy alliance with one of the most likable characters—veterinarian Hershel Greene. Hershel, probably the most level-headed of the cast, was a recovering alcoholic who was beheaded by ‘The Governor’ in season four. It’s a long story, so . . .the role of the town’s drunk then fell to Bob Stookey, played byLawrence Gillard Jr. At one point in season four, during a supply run to a hospital, Bob is attacked by walkers. Instead of running, he fights them off and it’s revealed that the contents of his bag are not the medical supplies he was sent to obtain, but a bottle of booze instead. Oops. Know that feeling. Even without a regular supply, it’s clear: Bob’s definitely one of us.

But it got me thinking—I wondered how, as a recovering alcoholic, I might fare in a world populated by the living dead. I know I would be at a distinct disadvantage. First of all I’m not very handy—It takes me 20 minutes to find my only screwdriver. I also live in New York City—alongside five million people and the strictest gun laws in the country. When the dead walk the Earth it’s going to be a really scary commute. But I’m sober right? That’s got to count for something.

As the premiere date of this magnificent show marches ever closer, and a degree of gleeful panic sets in, I fired up the Interwebber and went looking for survival tips for the inevitable zombie apocalypse that is upon us. How would a sober, graced guy like me fare? It turns out, according to the very knowledgeable Suzanne at Cheaper Than Dirt, the sober will be the first to die. Read more “the fix”…

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.