Name: Heidi
My sobriety Date: February 13th 2010
How many years did you use and how did you start using? 10 years
Did you go to treatment or do it on your own? I went to treatment
If you went to treatment, what treatment center did you go to? I went to Hazelden in Center City, MN
If you went to treatment, what was your experience like? It was a experience like non other…for the first time I got to look at what drove me to addiction, change my life, think differently and make a change in my life that would forever save me.
What did you learn about yourself when you started getting into recovery? I learned that I had changed from a sweet, caring, helpful and loving person to a liar, a cheat, mean, angry and selfish person. I got to see how the disease of addiction changed me as a person and I didn’t even like myself but I had to learn to love myself back to who I was.
What did your bottom look like and what was the pivotal moment you knew you wanted to get sober/clean? My bottom was very ugly…It was financial, emotional and near death. I knew I was running out of money, friends, family and I could no longer cover my covered lies with more lies. I was so far down the rabbit hole I couldn’t see an inch in front of my face. I got a call from my husband, he had finally figured out what was going on…his hands were full of empty pill bottles and I couldn’t answer for 600 of the pills…I had to come clean. Booze bottle were hidden everywhere and he started to find them as he found one thing…he kept looking. I had never heard my husband cry and hearing his voice over the phone brought me to my knees. I was done…I was hurting the love of my life and myself. I wanted help, I called Hazelden and got in the next day!
Did you have any consequences in your using days? Yes, financial and legal. In my drunken stupor I thought it was okay to change a prescription for myself and tried getting it filled in a pharmacy and was caught. Those legal ramifications I had to face sober…it was not easy but I got through it. Don’t let your consequences send you back out…it hurts at first but fight through it!
List some things that help keep you on the path of recovery: The WE part of the program (stay connected), Sponsor and Meetings
What is it life like today? I would love to say it’s happy, joyous and free BUT it’s life…life on life’s terms. I don’t drown out life anymore, I feel and that’s okay because even though I have to feel the really hard things I now get to feel the good things that WAAAAY over power the bad, it’s worth it!
What words of hope/advice can you give the person who is still struggling? Keep coming back, even when you don’t want to…at some point you just finally say, I want what they have and you just start to do what you are told and it sticks! Stay strong, fight for life, the chance to feel, the chance to have a good life…make the choice to be happy!