My recovery story is no different than yours, except that it is mine and I have learned to own it. The twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous always seemed frightening and complicated to me. Who wants to admit they are powerless over anything, that their lives have become unmanageable, and then accept that an unseen higher power is going to help make it better or at least manageable?
I was certainly one of those people. I wanted to control everything. I could handle my job, my bills, my household, and my alcoholism. Things were certainly not unmanageable. So what my life revolved around my next drink? Who cares that I have three DWI’s in three states? What did it matter that I was killing myself without regard for those who cared about me? God was I sick.
I want to take a few moments and talk about the “phenomenon of craving” or my obsession to drink. Before AA, I awoke each morning with the same thoughts in my head. What time was I going to be able to have my first drink? What was the earliest I could feasibly leave work and drink? How was I going to get cash, so that my family would not know that I had stopped at the liquor store? When you check your daily schedule to plan that first drink before doing anything else, you are certainly trapped in the phenomenon of craving.
Today, having studied the Big Book of AA, and having learned to understand my obsession as an illness, I have been able to take an honest look at myself. I understand that I must take certain steps every day to remain sober. I must admit that I am not able to control my life. This does not mean that I don’t struggle. Each day is reminder of what I have and what I can lose if I take even one drink. Some days I struggle to put those thoughts of that first drink out of my mind. I remind myself daily that the most important thing is my faith in my higher power.
The twelve steps of AA have showed me a simple and honest plan for recovery, the women and men of AA have welcomed me into the fellowship showing me unconditional love and most importantly, I have found myself. I have a plan for my life, I have a positive outlook and for the first times in more than a decade, I awake without needing to drink.
Today I can honestly look back and see exactly how sick I was. The past months have not been easy. I have not always succeeded but each day that I wake up, pray to my higher power, attend meetings, call my sponsor and help other addicts, I stay sober.
Blog By Todd G.