France and Toulon centre Mathieu Bastareaud has revealed that he tried to kill himself in 2009, following a battle with alcoholism and depression.

Bastareaud has opened up about his controversial experiences in his new candid autobiography, ‘Head High: Confessions Of A Terrible Child Of Rugby’.

 Bastareaud admitted his regret at not revealing what really caused the facial injury he suffered during France’s tour of New Zealand in 2009.

He had initially claimed that he was attacked by five men in Wellington, but later revealed that he had in fact injured himself when stumbling over drunk in his hotel room.

The initial lie sparked a police investigation into the alleged assault, while John Key, the New Zealand prime minister, issued an apology to the French international.

Bastareaud admitted: “Instead of telling the truth and trusting management, I developed a lie. A lie, that would have heavy consequences.”

Now 26-years-old, Bastareaud says that the decision to try and take his own life came directly from that lie.

He was deeply effected by the media coverage that came following the incident. He read reports which were especially critical of him.

Bastareaud admitted that the friends came to the rescue, immediately calling emergency services when they herd the noises that came from the suicide attempt.

He wrote: “My friends in the living room heard the noise and came in. They saw the knife, the blood, and me lying there, unconscious and they called emergency services immediately.

“I don’t know if I really wanted to die. I wanted to suffer. I wanted to punish myself. When you hear everywhere all day long that you are just a loser, that you don’t deserve to be there … you try to keep a cool attitude but you begin to believe what people say … I smiled in public but, as soon as I came back home, I was alone.”

Now, Bastareaud is benefiting from the help of a psychologist, as he prepares for theRugby World Cup in England this autumn.  Article Link..