Hey just read your forum post…I can remember being at the bottom and wanting to start climbing out of my own sh*t and get better. From the sounds of it you want to be happy again. I remember I had to hit rock bottom before I went in to get sober and it was painstaking. I knew tho that I could not go on with my life anymore the way I was going. I finally got a sponsor, meetings, friends in AA and worked the program of AA. I read the first 164 pages of the Big Book and did the 12 Steps with my sponsor. I won’t say that life has been all rainbows and butterflies BUT I would take my worst day sober than my best day using! If you need anything else write another forum post OR friend me on myRecovery!! Thanks for sharing your story.