As far as the cycle goes that you are talking about, it is very real. That obsession to drink, that obsession and self deception that I can drink like I see people do all the time. That I can drink like a normal person. For me that is just not the case. I can convince my self quicker than anyone else that I do not have a problem. Especially after a few days of not drinking it doing anything. “Oh, well I haven’t drank in a couple of days, I can control my drinking. I don’t have a problem.” That’s just one of the many ways that my alcoholism deceives me. All the while shoving back the negative memories of things that happened before. It’s not about what or how much I drank for me today. It’s about what happens when I do drink.