Jessica, I’m glad you are reaching out for help. It shows you want to win at this sobriety thing; not just give up and go away.
I would totally agree with Heidi, getting to a meeting or, at least being able to talk to someone who understands what you’re going through can only help.
I will only speak from my own experience (I’m not an addict, I’m an alcoholic): I can’t be around people who would do anything, whether intentionally or not, to undermine my sobriety. There are people who would ‘sabbatoge’ my sobriety in order to feel better about themselves. They may be alcoholics who haven’t admitted they were powerless over alcohol and wish to see others lives as unmanageable, to justify their continued use. Like the person who builds themselves up by tearing others down.
Also, there may be people like my mom. A person that knows I’m an alcoholic, but still offers me drinks, just to be polite. She isn’t intentionally trying to end my sobriety, she doesn’t understand the disease.
In either case, others could dangle the carrot in front of my nose and lead me to taking that first drink.
If I were in your situation, I’d avoid, at all costs, the people that could undermine your sobriety (and being clean from drugs). Even if they are family members!
Like Heidi said, be around other people who have your sobriety at the forefront. If your town doesn’t have an AA or NA meeting, call your AA area office and ask for contacts in your area of people with whom you can meet or speak to on the phone. If you can’t get that connection made, let me or Heidi know and we can work out a confidential way to get you in contact with the people who will help you.
Your sobriety is keeping you sane and alive! It may be uncomfortable to distance yourself from family members or friends, but your sobriety must come first.
I’m pulling for you to continue to be happy and healthy. I get that you want that too. That’s why you reached out. Keep coming back! Tom G.